Apples

I have a long commute now that means I have to leave the tank in France. All my training means that I know it's best to leave a military presence in the local area. It keeps the locals on their toes, makes sure there is no slacking while they tend to the country pile. However it does mean I can't sing along to my "Brotherhood of Man" tape while shouting at other drivers on the drive to work. I've also found that train passengers are not too keen on my singing as I attempt to while away the hours. Don't they appreciate my great musical tone? Would it really hurt to have a sing-a-long?

Anyway, someone suggested I buy an Apple, but I didn't see how buying fruit would help, particularly as I own most of the orchards in France. It transpires though they meant something called an ipod, whatever that is. So I bought one, and I'm sure it's very good. I think it must be amazing actually, I mean it's so small it must have some kind of tardis feature to it! The problem is I just can't seem to find a way of opening it to get my cassette's in. Maybe I'll ask one of the geeks, they are bound to know.

Ancient Rights

Back now among my paysans I notice that they have been decorating the village in preparation for the wedding next weekend of a local girl to a ne'er-do-well from the next village.

I have decided, in the spirit of protecting the heritage of rural France, to reintroduce the droit du seigneur. I will announce this before returning to Worcester, but first I need to work out what they call this in French.

Zut Alors!

Enfin, I have returned to the UK and am back in Worcester. Little seems to have happened in my absence... but then what would you expect when I am not around to crack the whip.

I have returned determined to set a new fashion, but nobody has commented yet on my French chic - demonstrated in the stylish new shirt, silk underwear, and crocheted socks. I am convinced that this will seep into their subconscious and help drag the poor fashion-victims up to standard with which I can feel comfortable.

By the way, does anyone know where I can stock up on snails and garlic while I'm here, so far from home.